that I'm not really a social person. for a long while now i've been striving to become more of a social person, going to parties and engaging in all sorts of conversations, but yesterday I discovered that even though I love hanging out with friends and conversing with them, I dont like big group activies, especially after a length of time. its just not in my nature, and its something that I can accept. so what if I'm more comfortable in a smaller group of people? 

a childhood friend of mine is moving away. we've been best friends for almost twenty years and now he's moving all teh way across the US. We're both adults, so he has made his choice and I wont try to change his mind.

but its hard. It's hard when people you're used to having around are suddenly gone. Things change so much just by that missing presence. I have depended on him for support and friendship, even if he didnt have to say or do anything. I was comfortable with him, like an extra back-bone...maybe part of the growing process is to let that go, and find the strength I need to keep going all by myself....

but it wont be easy. especially this year, it seems like everyone is leaving. Things are changing so much....I just have to hold on.

new friends will come, surely, in time, and I'l still be in contact with him, but it will definitely be different with him gone.  

I tihnk mankind amazes me. What we are capable of doing, whether for good or bad, is just astounding and always amazes me. History is littered with all kinds of examples, and so is current events.

even in the face of all the evil that mankind does and is possible of doing, the good that we do is equally as impressive and surprising.

Just for fun, every once in a while I'll look at my horoscope and see what it says. Just cause I dont completely trust it, I check multiple websites just to see if the common message is relatively the same. Well, my horoscope for the year tends to be the same everywhere I look: great transformation, giant leaps and unpossible amounts of change.
I dont know whether to be scared of it or embrace it. What if the changes that occur arent the ones I want? It's a scary thing to think about, friends moving away, relatives dying....but as i already know, and something that the horoscope also pointed out, is that I need to embrace the change, and not give into my fears and insecurities. That way of life was fine for me in the past, but it wont on my journey foreward.
It's been my new years resolution of sorts of the past several years, to grow and change myself. I used to be so unhappy with where i was and who I was, its been a long, slow process but I'm making it, I've changed my outlook on life and myself and became way more open minded, I finally became happy with who and where i was. 
So to make this blog a point I suppose I should ask a question in relevance to what I just discussed. For anyone reading this, how do you handle yourself when in fear? Even when its something small and irrelevant but your feeling insecure about it, what do you do in such a situation?

just thought it'd make an interesting argument....self sabotage your own efforts, maybe even without realizing it. So how do you become aware of this and be able to do what you have to do? 

I would comfort that person, and tell that person that no matter how much it seems so, we are never truly alone.

Wow, it's been a while since I've been on here. I've been busy, of course. I am going back to driving school to finish up getting ready for the big test, as I call it. I cant wait to get my license, that's going to be insane. So many doors will be open for me.
Other than that, just continuing with school and my music. Trying to keep myself busy otherwise i go insane. I have to call my driving instructor again and tell him I gave him the wrong time the bus is going to arrive. Why do I make such idiotic mistakes? maybe out of nervousness, he definitely is not an easy guy to hang around if you have insecurities toward yourself.

and one of my best friends just had a baby. So exciting this is, I havent met her yet, but I heard she's beautiful. It's wonderful when life happens, and you realize there are good among the bad. So my life is in a constant state of flux at the moment, but thats ok, cause I can go with the flow quite easily, and I'm more determined to ride through it than I have ever been before.

I dont know quite what to say just yet. But this site sure does look promising. I hope I learn a lot from it. I just started, so I am still quite new to it. I need to update myprofile and provide a little more information about myself, but for right now, its late and I'm going to bed.